Have you been offered a promotion and turned it down? Or not applied for promotions available?
There can be many reasons why you don’t want a more senior role. These can include hours or travel that clash with your family-time values, a move to another location, or perhaps losing the camaraderie of the team when you become their boss. These reasons are highly personal and vary by circumstances, and you have a choice how you live your life.
But there can be other ‘reasons’ for refusing a promotion that are sabotaging your career without adding to the quality of your life. These are simply holding you back.
It’s easy to convince ourselves our reasons are good ones, yet sometimes we’re justifying not achieving the success we’re capable of. So how can you tell the difference between a genuine reason and an excuse?
Three clues point to the difference; someone else, values and how you feel emotionally.
Is it Someone Else?
If your reason for not going for promotion is someone else, then it can appear more justified. It looks like you’re considering others not yourself, which is laudable. Here it’s worth taking a careful look at what’s going on, as it is all too easy to use someone else as an excuse.
One client told me she couldn’t accept an executive position because of the disruption the move would have on her daughter’s happiness at school. When we explored in more detail, her daughter was about to go from primary to secondary school, that is, she was changing schools anyway. It was, in fact, a perfect time to move house, which made it clear that the real reason was not her daughter’s school.
A great way to make sure you’re not using someone else as an excuse is to first look at the promotion pros and cons – but without considering anyone else. Now examine the match of values and how you’re feeling, as described below. If you find it’s about your values or personal feelings, then you might be using that other person as an excuse. In this case, it’s helpful to talk through the facts with someone who you trust but is neutral about the issue.
Clarity around your choices is very important. If you hold back your career, ostensibly for someone else, it could lead to blame and resentment in the future if you regret that decision later. Being clear on your reason means you’re taking full responsibility for your choice.
Is it Your Values?
Sometimes a decision makes us uneasy because it would go against our values. If you are not explicitly aware of your values in life, then you’ll just feel vaguely uncomfortable without knowing why.
If you haven’t looked at your values before, list ten values that are most important to you in life, such as integrity, family, freedom, growth, contribution etc. Take the time to shuffle them around and list them in order of importance to you.
Now take a look at the values of your employers. They may have an official set of written values. If so, does the company operate in that way or is that list aspirational? Actions talk, not words. Look at the personal values your potential boss and colleagues display too.
If there’s a mismatch in your top values and those of your employer, then it can explain a reluctance to be promoted. A more senior role would require you to uphold those company values and encourage them in your team.
If you find a values mismatch, then this is priceless information. Working in a company that doesn’t match your values will make you dissatisfied with your job and create stress. It doesn’t mean you should just refuse the promotion; it means that your career success lies in working for another company whose values do match your own. If you then make sure you match values with your new company, you will have a brilliant career move.
Is it How You Feel?
Many things can make us reluctant to go for a promotion, but the most common is a feeling that we would not be good enough at the job. This is typical of Imposter Syndrome (feeling like a fraud and fearing being found out) which affects 70% of successful people, particularly when they change roles.
You might not recognise it as Imposter Syndrome or call it feeling like a fraud. Instead, you might feel like you haven’t really earned the promotion, you might be worried about making mistakes, or you might feel different from your new colleagues that you would feel like you didn’t belong. You might not like feeling that people have high expectations of you, it might feel out of control.
My own Imposter Syndrome struck when I applied for a graduate trainee job and was offered a fast-track management position based on ‘unusual’ psychometric test results. I turned it down and went back to University for a PhD I wasn’t very interested in but which was less intimidating. Decades later I discovered that was a classic avoidance pattern of Imposter Syndrome, and I had been avoiding a leadership position. It’s so clear in hindsight, but at the time I told myself the job ‘sounded boring’.
Imposter Syndrome is based on a false core belief, learned from early childhood, that we’re not good enough. Successful people often have just one activity in which they feel not good enough, as they are highly capable and confident people in many areas. In my example, leading a large team was my ‘Imposter activity’. This core belief can be changed, and if it sounds like this is the case for you, then you can explore this personal development work.
Sometimes people feel they won’t be good enough in a new role when it’s actually a lack of skills or training. Review the new role in detail and spot areas where you lack skills or could use some mentoring. Would you feel happier about the promotion if you knew you would get the right training and mentoring? If the answer is yes, then include training and mentoring in your promotion negotiation. Making sure you get the help you need to be successful is sensible, not some failure or weakness as some people falsely assume.
Once you are aware of the real reasons for avoiding promotion, then you can do something about it. Once you are clear about why you want or don’t want a promotion, you are making a conscious choice and taking responsibility for it.
There is huge satisfaction in achieving challenging goals, making bold moves and working on projects that stimulate you, in an environment you love. There’s no reason why you can’t have a career success like that, if you choose to.
Tara Halliday, view profile
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